For the last couple of weeks ive been struggling to keep to the right medication. I either don’t take it or take too much. Im not 100% sure why i keep changing it. I had decided for the last couple of days not to take my full dose of quietipine, im on 800mg XR, which is the slow release one. It works well for me, helps me to think and deal with the voices. I was talking to my therapist yeastersday about the medication im on and what im deciding to take. We sort of talked about a few reasons why i may be desiding what to take. We talked about an event which is coming up and i know im really anxious about it, i also know that when im taking my medication properly i think about things more and i know if I don’t take it my thoughts may get muddled up and it wont be sure a big deal. I want to be able to escape my thoughts and feelings. I may have also been doing it because I don’t feeel im allowed or worthy of things going well and right so I sabotage the happiness, for example possible you getting a new car and things like that. I know if i stop taking my medication i may end up back in hospital which means my driving lincence will be taken off me, which will lead to no car, so then i wont be happy. Ive also been craving alcohol that way i know i cant drive and i will be able to escape reality. Its too difficult to deal with my thoughts, feelings, voices, and the spying. Any way ive started to take my medication properly again, because im worried about going into hospital, weight gain and the increase in my sleep, i want to go back to how things were a week ago where i was getting good sleep but not over or under sleeping, and i also want to continue to loose weight and if i mess around with my medication will that effect the weight loss. Hoping things will go back to normal. I will be okay.