I’m at the psychiatric hospital where my meeting is taking place. I’m early as usual. I’m really looking forward to seeing the reverent.
It’s raining out side and I’m wearing my coat, but it’s pretty warm with it on inside. But I can’t take it off I’ve only got a tshirt on and that means my scars and writing will be on show.
I’m here to collect a bible, I think it’s going to help me feel safe and loved by God. I need the protection.
I hate being back here, reminds me of all my negative experiences and all the hospitalisation. I’ve managed to stay out of inpatient for a year and a half. But still come here for reviews with psychiatrist, and some times to see my cpn.
Being here is terrifying as I’m completely convinced that they want my DNA. I’m trying to stay invisible, and I’ve still got my head phones in so I can’t hear anything that’s going on around me.
The voices are going crazy, they are shouting at me all at once and it’s really hard to try and ignore them. But with my head phones in I’m trying to ignore them.
During and After the meeting…
I met the reverent outside her room, she was pleased that I had arrived and said i wasn’t sure you’d come with all the rain, I was so relieved to see her and I knew I could trust her. She told me to take a seat, while she went to get me a bible. I had asked for a bible to feel some protection from the devil and the care team and government. It will protect me. When she placed the bible in my hands, God spoke to me, he said “you will be protected with this.” I truely believe God when he said that. The reverent and I had a little chat and then I left, thanking her again for the bible.
I was so scared to walk out the room, but then I looked down with the bible in my hands, I felt a bubble protection around me, no one could hurt/touch me.
I walked home with the rain pouring down my face, and breathing in fresh breath of air. It was so refreshing.
I had to keep checking that no one was following me, I must have looked mad, I kept looking back more than forwards.