This has been a challenge for the last 11 years. Anorexia made it very difficult to eat in public, with people, or even be around food.
Yesterday I managed to eat a Wispa chocolate bar in public while walking, and being the only one who was eating. I still can’t believe I’ve actually done it. I’m finding it hard to believe, but I did it.
Then went to a restaurant to eat Dinner, luckily it was some where I don’t know anyone, so no one could judge me or anyone I know see me eat. But was still a really big challenge. I wasn’t brave enough to go and order it, or to talk to the waiters. I hope people don’t think I’m rude, I just get so anxious to talk to people.
To top it all off I ate Breakfast, at the place I stayed at last night. I spoke to someone who worked there when the asked what I wanted. This was a massive challenge but I did it. I’m actually quite proud of myself.
I feel extremely guilty for eating all that, and I’ve feel really fat, but I’m going to keep trying to exercise so it doesn’t settled down and become fat living in my body.
So very mixed emotions, the good with what I’ve achieved and the bad because of the guilt of all the food inside me.