Anxiety · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · Schizophrenia · spying

Current update on my life. 22.2.17

I’m anxious about the devil controlling everyone around me, even the people I trust and thought we’re on my side. This is terrifying. I’m probably alone as I’ve ever been.

The Devil is currently controlling the goverment and I feel like I’m being followed by a male figure, who I can’t see clearly, but I can feel the presence of this thing. I keep hearing unusual sounds, I can only link it down to the figure following me. I’ve been reading the bible today, and this has been helping. I feel a little protection from it. I also have a candel burning, a new one, smells lovely, and the flame is keeping me protected. 

No support from my care team, but I think this is a blessing in disguise, I haven’t got to ignore calls or people at my door, because I’m forgotten about. This brings a relief, it they aren’t thinking of me, I’m safe from them getting my DNA. But maybe this is what they want me to think. I still need to keep my self safe from everyone. 

I can get the device out, as I’ve previously wrote about I have a robotic tracking device inside me. It crawled in my ear some weeks ago, firstly I thought nothing of it until the voices have been telling me what it’s doing and I need to get it out. I can feel it moving around in my brain. But I can’t get it out while it is in there. I need it to get to a place where I can get it out. I don’t want to harm myself but I need to get the robotic device out. 

People have told me none of this is true. I know they are lying, I can see, hear and feel it. The voices are telling me it’s because there jealous, and want my DNA. They are trying to throw me off track. It’s going to take a lot more for me not to know what there up too. There’s going to be war when they physically try to get my DNA. 

They are causing me anxiety, it’s making me not safe to go out, I need to try and be stronger than all of them together. I will be. I can’t die, I can feel pain but nothing will kill me. I’m anxious about them getting my DNA, and i will do everything in my power to fight it. God is here beside me, I’m safe in his presence. We can fight off the devil. 

I’ve been taking too much medication and alcohol, but this is only so I don’t have to worry and think about the life I’m living. I’m just going to go along with the breeze. 

There are things I need to do, but my motivation has gone. My focus is more on what’s going on with the spying rather than things that need to be done. I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eyes of robotic spiders going around. I see them around my feet, I’ve had to put my feet up, so that cant crawl on me. There’s definitely someone here. It’s the devil I can feel it. I’m going to need to read the bible again. It will make me stronger.

Why am I taking the Medication, I’ve been prescribed. I’m not ill, it’s just to get me unfocused on what’s really going on with the spying.

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2 thoughts on “Current update on my life. 22.2.17

  1. I have so much empathy for you, I cannot even express it fully through my keyboard. Recovery is one of the hardest things that a person can do for themselves and I’m not here to gush about how great recovery is because I haven’t gotten even close to there yet. I’ve been in and out of mental hospitals three times and all I can tell you is that the only person that can recover for you is yourself. Hang in there, Love xx

    Liked by 1 person

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