Mental health

What am I doing…?

Things are so confusing. I'm going to try to only take what's prescribed. But it's so hard already.

The voices are screaming through my head, I'm not sure if I should stop all medication.

I don't see no good coming from this.

Am I here, am I real?

I'm confused, it's burning. I'm burning inside.

They are trying to trick me, but I've let them think the falledmy by taking the medication they've gave me, but this plan is real and so unreal.

If this makes any sense then you 100% understand my brain more than me.



3 thoughts on “What am I doing…?

  1. I’ve been reading your posts for a long time now, and I love your willingness to share. My experiences with hallucinations are based in trauma, and I was able to start employing self-care techniques before psychosis got to me fully. It came close, and that was a fuzzy time, I remember a lot of delusions, hallucinations, confusion, and paranoia that kept me locked in the four walls of my room. Had I been hospitalized for this, I feel a diagnosis and cocktail of meds would have made things worse. Well, the meds I did eventually take DID make things worse XD.

    So I’m wondering for you what kind of self-care you do besides medication and besides the cliche “exercise, eat right” (which is just as important of course, or whatever, I eat shit I’m not going to lie)? Like, what things do you do when the voices get like this? Mine have always been self-loathing and attack me. A lot of that came from my own inner feelings about myself. Because I think we all know that medication is a good crutch, but we can’t rely on it, it won’t ever live up to our expectations.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for such a lovely comment, and for sharing. Sorry it took me this long to reply.
      I guess I really do rely on medication, (too much) but I’ve got a hope box I’m starting with lots of bits to bring me to the moment, and to help with suicidal feelings and anxiety. I like putting music or films on. I nearly always have a background noise on, it does make it too difficult to focus on something some times but it’s a distraction from the voices, I like being out, but always feel vulnerable. I have three cats and they are the best thing that helps. They are so sensitive to my moods and feelings, their amazing. XxxX look forward to hearing from you again. Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Of course 🙂 That hope box sounds fantastic, especially to have a mindfulness moment and help support you through those super tough moments. I also have background noise on CONSTANTLY. Like, CONSTANTLY. I have a fan that sounds like a white noise machine and it’s on almost 24 hours a day, so I understand that need! If it’s not the fan, it’s music, if it’s not music, it’s youtube.

        That’s so sweet that your cats can be that comfort for you, it sounds like you have a deep connection with them for them to be so in tune with you, and that’s beautiful! I have one cat, she is a little jerk sometimes (probably because I raised her) but she’s also a big old softie, a sweetie lol.

        Hope you are doing well! 😀


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