anorexia · Anxiety · Daily update · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · Food · Health · healthy · Mental health · self harm · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

I can’t do it!

It’s so hard, eating. I feel incredibly guilty and fat, I hate myself.

I’m struggling with solid foods or liquid calories. I’m physically struggling to swallow solid foods, and mentally struggling to drink, drinks with calories. I wish I could drink alcohol with out the guilt, calories and gain benefits.

I wish I could live of Diet Coke. Zero calories, and it dehydrates.

anorexia · Mental health

Swallowing trouble … is it anxiety?

I’ve had a problem swallowing (mainly food) for a while now, it fluctuates. Sometimes I can swallow fine and other times I’m chocking.

Is it anxiety or is there something wrong?

I don’t feel like there is anything stopping the food other than swallowing the food. I do panic and try to cough the food back up.

Any ideas?

My doctor knows but isn’t sure what it is.

I did have anorexia a while back but in recovery from that. Although I still want to watch my weight and food.

anorexia · Anxiety · exercise · Food · Health · healthy · i did it · Medication · Mental health · Nhs · Over weight · Overweight · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

I’m gaining weight… help me!

I’ve gained weights

I really need to loose weight before I loose respect for myself.

I drink diet soda (too much) and water daily.

I’m on medication that makes me hungry and crave food especially at night time. I snack on the wrong things and at the wrong times.

I exercise an okay amount , I do want to increase it though, but my medication makes me sleepy, which makes it hard to get to the gym at night, when I won’t be alone.

Anyone around to bu weight loss buddies I’m 145lbs and want to loose a lot of weight.

anorexia · Anxiety · exercise · Food · i did it · Medication · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Weight · weight loss · weightloss

1st December… that came along quick.

I’ve got just over a month too loose thee weight. I have to be determined, I won’t loose the weight if I carry on eating and drinking the way I have been. I need to be strong and discipline myself.

I weigh 144.2lbs. I know fat and gross. I will loose this weight.

First good decision was to not have those biscuits this morning. And I’m planning on going to the gym. I can do this.

44 days… Any support will be very much welcomed.

“I believe I can therefore I will!”

31 day blog challenge · anorexia · Anxiety · depression · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · Schizophrenia · Therapy

Day 20- Diagnosis

Over the years my diagnosis have changed, mainly due to recovering from them, when I was younger I was diagnosed with,

depression

ocd and

anorexia.

I was treated with antidepressants and had a lot of cbt, (cognitive behavioural therapy.) and weekly meetings with my child and adolescents services. The crisis team were involved a lot, but never found them helpful.

I recovered from depression and coped with ocd through therapy and medication.

Anorexia took a little bit longer to recover from I guess when I was 19 I would say I started to recover by eating in front of people and learning to eat in public.

But I soon discovered alcohol and my weight was still an issue in my head but I don’t remember being anorexic and then overweight. It felt like it happened overnight. But now I’m able to look back on pictures and see that it was the alcohol. I was drinking so much alcohol that I was having twice the daily limit of calories. I was soon over weight and currently still am. Although I lost 50 lbs since this time last year, I slipped back down the alcohol spiral a few months ago and that 50lbs is back on.

Currently I am diagnosed with

anxiety,

schizophrenia and

emotionally unstable personality disorder.

I’m currently taking medication to keep my symptoms under control, and I am supposed to be started on the strongest antipsychotic currently around. I’m hoping this will help me more. As I’m currently not getting enough relief from the one I’m on. I’ve had a few sessions of therapy but the nhs only give you 20 session and that’s not enough to get into deep emotions, symptoms and behaviours.

So I will carry on fighting.

I’ve only included the diagnosis. I have not included any symptoms. I don’t want to trigger any one, so I won’t be including these and the ways I learn to self cope. If I thought they were helpful I would.

I also haven’t included any physical illnesses as my blog is mainly about mental illness.

anorexia · Anxiety · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

World mental health day. 10th October 2017.

Happy world mental health day!

This is a message to say to all those out there suffering with mental illness that your not alone. Speak out don’t suffer in silence.💙