It’s at a gain, the weight is going up and down everyday day, I haven’t really got a set weight at the moment.
I think if I stop messing around with medication things and my weight will settle down.
I don’t want to be fat again.
My cpn turned up 50 minutes late as it was a home visit. And stayed 9 minutes. A record. Also not seeing her next week because I have an ecg and blood test, so collecting medication from the mental hospital.
I know she is plotting against me all of the above is proof of what’s going on.
Spoke to the reverent at the hospital today over the phone. We talked about harming. Which today I did. I didn’t tell my cpn, she didn’t ask, and I need to stay in control.
I’m not really sure what my plan is from here.
The voices have been so bad, I can control them.
I want no contact with anyone, I don’t trust them! Who can I trust, I’m scared?!
My blog has been with me through some years and some really tough times.
I will continue to blog regularly, thank you to all my followers and people that read my posts. Love to you all!
YEY… 1000th post!
I started it on Tuesday 75mg morning and night and today is Friday. I feel so hungry all the time. But I do also feel that the anxious feeling i normally have isn’t there.
I do believe it’s helping a lot. Although I’m terrified of the weight gain side effect.
I’m going to try to eat and drink healthily, but this isn’t always as easy. My weight has been fluctuating between two pounds different all week. Today that 2lbs has been added. But I haven’t been to the toilet in a week. So it could be that.
I really don’t have alot of sugar or fat in my diet. I normally consume between 700-500kcal, and I do try to burn them off but if you look at previous post, I’ve been diagnosed with a heart condition so I’m not sure if it’s safe to exercise and to what extent. My gp wasn’t very helpful.
The pregabline is planned to be upped on two weeks if my white blood cells stabilise.
When I first started it it made me feel like I was floating on a cloud, now I just don’t feel anxious even at times that I usually would feel anxious.
I’m awful at making decisions, I swing to the two extremes. There’s no grey area. It’s all or nothing.
So I’ve been thinking about how physically unwell I am at the moment and how and what can I do to help myself feel better.
So I can take iron supplements to help with my low iron and anemia or harm more, the two extremes.
So the plan is to make smaller changes I’m going to start with my diet, I only really eat dinner and even then I don’t eat a lot. So I’m going to see if there are dinners that are healthy but still no meat, I do have five vegetables with dinner but they are always the same ones.
So I’ve got to find healthy vegetarian meals that I will attempt to eat more of.
I’m at my lowest weight in years, still have two stone to go. But here is how I look now.
Trying on dresses for a wedding next weekend. Want to loose weight for it so I feel better about how I look.
I still look fat, but they are problem areas I can work on.