anorexia · Anxiety · exercise · Food · i did it · Medication · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Weight · weight loss · weightloss

1st December… that came along quick.

I’ve got just over a month too loose thee weight. I have to be determined, I won’t loose the weight if I carry on eating and drinking the way I have been. I need to be strong and discipline myself.

I weigh 144.2lbs. I know fat and gross. I will loose this weight.

First good decision was to not have those biscuits this morning. And I’m planning on going to the gym. I can do this.

44 days… Any support will be very much welcomed.

“I believe I can therefore I will!”

31 day blog challenge · anorexia · Anxiety · depression · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · Schizophrenia · Therapy

Day 20- Diagnosis

Over the years my diagnosis have changed, mainly due to recovering from them, when I was younger I was diagnosed with,


ocd and


I was treated with antidepressants and had a lot of cbt, (cognitive behavioural therapy.) and weekly meetings with my child and adolescents services. The crisis team were involved a lot, but never found them helpful.

I recovered from depression and coped with ocd through therapy and medication.

Anorexia took a little bit longer to recover from I guess when I was 19 I would say I started to recover by eating in front of people and learning to eat in public.

But I soon discovered alcohol and my weight was still an issue in my head but I don’t remember being anorexic and then overweight. It felt like it happened overnight. But now I’m able to look back on pictures and see that it was the alcohol. I was drinking so much alcohol that I was having twice the daily limit of calories. I was soon over weight and currently still am. Although I lost 50 lbs since this time last year, I slipped back down the alcohol spiral a few months ago and that 50lbs is back on.

Currently I am diagnosed with


schizophrenia and

emotionally unstable personality disorder.

I’m currently taking medication to keep my symptoms under control, and I am supposed to be started on the strongest antipsychotic currently around. I’m hoping this will help me more. As I’m currently not getting enough relief from the one I’m on. I’ve had a few sessions of therapy but the nhs only give you 20 session and that’s not enough to get into deep emotions, symptoms and behaviours.

So I will carry on fighting.

I’ve only included the diagnosis. I have not included any symptoms. I don’t want to trigger any one, so I won’t be including these and the ways I learn to self cope. If I thought they were helpful I would.

I also haven’t included any physical illnesses as my blog is mainly about mental illness.

anorexia · Anxiety · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

World mental health day. 10th October 2017.

Happy world mental health day!

This is a message to say to all those out there suffering with mental illness that your not alone. Speak out don’t suffer in silence.💙

anorexia · Anxiety · Dad · family · Food · healthy · i did it · Mental health · Mum · Past · Sisters

Invited to dinner with my family.

My dad texted me inviting me to a meal with them, this is just how things are now, I don’t feel welcome around there without an invite.

It brightened my day he even came and picked me up. Had a lovely time with them.

I haven’t had a roast since last Christmas, so 10 months. I really enjoyed it and dad was happy to see a clean plate from me, as the times I’ve eaten over there I’ve either been in the grips of anorexia or thinking my food has been poisoned.

anorexia · Anxiety · Daily update · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · exercise · Food · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Personality disorder · scared · Schizophrenia · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

When did I get fat?

It feels like yesterday I felt thin and was at my lowest weight this year, the next thing I know I’m back into the overweight category.

I hate myself. I see all or nothing.

What I see in the mirror changes everything time even if I saw it seconds ago, it will be different a second later.

I need to get back down to that weight, it means so much to me to try and loose the weight and feel good about myself.

I’m fat, what I see in the mirror is fat, devil, and distorted. It’s scary.

anorexia · Anxiety · Daily update · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · exercise · Food · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Nhs · Over weight · Overweight · Personality disorder · Schizophrenia · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Reached in to overweight!

I hate myself so much.

I’m so fat and no one can tell me otherwise, I know my weight.

I need to make changes but I really would like support, if your going through weight loss please me.

I’m disgusting, I need to keep moving, I don’t want to be lazy.

I don’t deserve anything nice.

Help me!

anorexia · Anxiety · Diary · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · exercise · Food · Health · healthy · i did it · Medication · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Personality disorder · Schizophrenia · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Weight loss

Yesterday if you read my posts you would already know so I’m sorry for repeating myself.

I had a blood transfusion yesterday and now I have a bit more energy and motivation to get up and loos the weight I’ve put on in the last few months.

I’m not going to lie I have been drinking alcohol and eating really unhealthy foods, so the weight gain is completely from the choices I’ve made.

So I’m trying to make more positive choices. I thought if I’m honest with my online community I might be more honest with myself about what I’m eating. Especially if I get changed on to clozapine. (Which is well know to have weight gain as a side effect.)

Okay. Here goes…. this is my weight. I’m so embarrassed. 😩