31 day blog challenge · anorexia · Anxiety · depression · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · Schizophrenia · Therapy

Day 20- Diagnosis

Over the years my diagnosis have changed, mainly due to recovering from them, when I was younger I was diagnosed with,


ocd and


I was treated with antidepressants and had a lot of cbt, (cognitive behavioural therapy.) and weekly meetings with my child and adolescents services. The crisis team were involved a lot, but never found them helpful.

I recovered from depression and coped with ocd through therapy and medication.

Anorexia took a little bit longer to recover from I guess when I was 19 I would say I started to recover by eating in front of people and learning to eat in public.

But I soon discovered alcohol and my weight was still an issue in my head but I don’t remember being anorexic and then overweight. It felt like it happened overnight. But now I’m able to look back on pictures and see that it was the alcohol. I was drinking so much alcohol that I was having twice the daily limit of calories. I was soon over weight and currently still am. Although I lost 50 lbs since this time last year, I slipped back down the alcohol spiral a few months ago and that 50lbs is back on.

Currently I am diagnosed with


schizophrenia and

emotionally unstable personality disorder.

I’m currently taking medication to keep my symptoms under control, and I am supposed to be started on the strongest antipsychotic currently around. I’m hoping this will help me more. As I’m currently not getting enough relief from the one I’m on. I’ve had a few sessions of therapy but the nhs only give you 20 session and that’s not enough to get into deep emotions, symptoms and behaviours.

So I will carry on fighting.

I’ve only included the diagnosis. I have not included any symptoms. I don’t want to trigger any one, so I won’t be including these and the ways I learn to self cope. If I thought they were helpful I would.

I also haven’t included any physical illnesses as my blog is mainly about mental illness.

Anxiety · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

Monday 16th October 2017

I’m back in to the local mental health hospital. I had a blood test last week that showed low white blood cells, and because of this I was unable to start clozapine, this is another blood test to see if anything has changed from last week.

I hope they get blood easily, they normally have to try a few times to get enough blood. It’s very frustrating and causes slot of anxiety.

I’m sat in the cafe because they don’t think we are dignified enough to have a waiting room. So it’s going of flows of being busy. It’s making my anxiety going all over the place, but if I go on clozapine I’ve got to get use to waiting here because I will have to do this weekly.

I’m not sure this is the right step for me and is this the sign.

I don’t know what to do, I’ve got my music on and that’s helping me feel calmer, but the voices are talking over it.

Anxiety · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Voices

Mind hearing voices group.

I went to a group at a near by mine group, it was about hearing voices.

I was really scared that when I was in the group I could feel myself dissociating. I was able to listen to what the others was saying and it was very reassuring and also shocked me that I felt I was able to relate so much.

It was a really good group, and when I feel a bit more settled I would love to go back.

My care team had not heard of them, which I was surprised because it was a really good group.

I’d love to help in groups like that in the future.

anorexia · Anxiety · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

World mental health day. 10th October 2017.

Happy world mental health day!

This is a message to say to all those out there suffering with mental illness that your not alone. Speak out don’t suffer in silence.💙

Anxiety · exercise · Food · Health · healthy · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Trying to go to the gym.

I’ve been trying to go to the gym, when I go I feel good and it feels brilliant to be getting the endorphins from exercise. I never regret going to the gym, I just regret not going.

I keep finding excuses, or I drink alcohol.

That’s what I’m fighting right now. I’ve put on weight and I feel low and bad, I want to go to the gym tonight, but I’m expecting a delivery and I really want to drink the alcohol so I can say it’s all gone. Plus alcohol in the short term would make me feel better.

I will get to the gym but I need motivation, if my weight gain isn’t enough motivation, I don’t know what will.

How do you motivate yourself?

Anxiety · Cpn · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Nhs · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices · Weight · weight gain

Clozapine trial

I’m anxious and first off if you’ve got any advice or personal stories of trial with clozapine, (clozaril.)

My Diagnosis: anxiety, emotionally unstable personality disorder, and schizophrenia.

I’ve tried most antipsychotic medications, and at really high dosages, they help for a while but then I get resistant to that.

I’m really scared of the weight gain as the side effects, what’s your side effects?

Anxiety · Daily update · delusions · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Future · hallucinations · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Voices · Weight · weight gain

Psychiatrist appointment

Last week I had a psychiatrist appointment, this caused so much anxiety as last time I went three months ago I was sectioned there and then.

But this time was relatively positive, I’m being put in s trial of clozapine, hoping it will treat both my personality disorder and schizophrenia.

I’ve never been on it but running out of antipsychotics that work.

Any advice would be really appreciated.

Feel free to comment or email me rosiestar11@yahoo.co.uk