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My picture semicolon project.

Took this picture over the weekend. 

Your story isn’t over, key fighting! 

Anxiety · beach · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · family · Glad · Happy · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Mum · Personality disorder · Schizophrenia

Youngest sisters party and the approvments I’ve made

Yesterday was my youngest sister birthday and party, she turns 10. Feels like she is growing up so much. 

She said to me ther gifts I gave her made her life complete. I’m so glad she liked them I painted a few things and then giant inflatables, and a four leaf clover necklace. She was so pleased and happy. 

Then parents and that went to get things ready for the party. I was with the birthday girl and my sister who is 16, it was nice to spend quality time with them, the birthday girl wanted to play with her toys so I was in charge of opening the boxes, whilst also talking to my sister who is 16. She was really upset, she felt like mum and dad aren’t appreciating the tidying she does and that they are constantly going on at her to help. She also really wanted her boyfriend to come to our sisters party but parents said no. She was crying so we had s group hug.

I’m so glad I was there so she could talk to me and express how she was feeling. Her exams finish this week, understandable she is still very stressed about them.

Then I stayed, normally I would have gone home, I find my parents house to overwhelming with all the bad memories and the intense atmosphere.

It was party time at 3pm, I had been at my parents house since 7:30 am, this is a record breaker for how long I would normally stay there. 

Well the party was really busy and stressful but I think due to the pregabline I was able to stay and take control when mum and dad were busy with other things. It was sad to see the birthday girl left out of everything. She is really quiet and shy (like I was) and she was always left out. I made s big deal of making sure she chose what we were doing and when. I think this helped her feel like it was her party, despite the nasty “friends”. There was two nice ones out of I think 13. I feel sorry for her, I’m also glad I was there to talk to her and help her through it as she was pretty stressed. Our parents aren’t very good at this. 

So yer anyway I left there’s at 10:30pm. I stayed there 15 hours. 

At the end my mum said to me I like your new medication your so much better on it and I’m really proud of you today.  This is HUGE! Mum doesn’t compliment me, and she was proud of me. 

So ending on a high, things are slowing getting better on pregabline. 

Anxiety · beach · Carer · Daily update · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Health · Medication · Mental health · psychiatrist · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · self harm · Support worker · Voices

Beach, but no motorways, why? 

So this weekend I went to the beach as a passenger in a car, but you might not know the Answer to the title…

Well a few weeks ago I attempted to jump out of a car going 70mph. I had just had enough and so overwhelmed with the voices. 

Since this I have been on a motorway, especially as it was my carer driving both the time I tried to jump out and this weekend. 

I do feel a bit safer but it can change so quickly and it’s impulsive. Although it is mainly from so many things building up on me. 

Anyway it was nice to be at the beach although I was convinced there was going to be a tsunami in the U.K. 

Anxiety · beach · delusions · depression · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · hallucinations · Health · healthy · Mental health · Music · Personality disorder · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia

I’m creating a Safe space¬†

This safe space is currently in the bed room although I’m hoping to make it so that it’s easy to move depending on where I feel safe at the time. 

So far it’s got a massive Bean bag, it’s so comfy and it mould a to my body so i feel safe and held. 

I’m adding my blanket to it. I’ve got a really soft big blanket with the writing saying “Rosie, Fearless and Free.” 

I’ve included a Teddy that I got when I went on holiday years and years ago with my family to Florida. It’s simba from the lion king, wrapped in a leaf. It’s so soft and perfect to cuddle. 

The Pillow I’m including is a personalised pillow if my cats, with love typed on to it. 

I’ve got a nightlight cat which is always on at night, it’s got teo settings that it can be on white light which is the option I choose or it can be changing multicoloured. I also have a relaxing water and wave light which you can choose the colour.

Relaxing music, I have a play list that I’m still adding to of songs that help me to relax and be calm. I’m choosing them carefully because it’s very easy to get memory’s and flashbacks of things my brain has related to a song. 

I’m planning on adding Photos that are calming and nice. Especially ones if family and cats. Probably mostly just photos I’ve taken, and when I look at them they take me to a good place. 

Anxiety · beach · Mental health

Weekend away

Went for a weekend away. To somewhere we’d never been. It was me and my carer. It’s his birthday next week so I planned for us to go somewhere nice. It was nice. Where we stayed was a 5 minute walk to in he beach.

When we go away, sometimes something bad happens, but not this time. Which is good for both of us. 

We watched the sunset over the beach which was so nice. 

We put our feet in the sea, as we do when ever we go to a beach. But it was so frezzing, the coldest I’ve ever felt. It felt like it was burning it was so cold. 

 I achieved some good things while we were away, with eating, no harming, taking the correct medication without a fight, and I organised it mostly myself. All things to be proud of.

Anxiety · beach · Mental health

Worry stone

I was away this weekend, and wanted to get a souvenir from where I went, there was a little hut that was just opening as it was early in the morning. I went in to the hut, and had a look at the things for sale and as I was thinking of leaving, a box grabbed my attention. I was standing right by it a few minutes before I saw it.

It was a sign from God, there was worry stones in the box that grabbed my attention. As soon as I saw them I knew I needed to get them. I know they probably don’t work but it’s the psychological thoughts it gives out that makes it special.

I’ve got one for me, one for my brothers grave and a stone with the name of where I was printed on to it. This is going in my good time box.

I recon it was one of Gods suttle signs of Him helping.