Anxiety · Daily update · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · hallucinations · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

I’m more than my illnesses.

Yes I'm ill both physically and mentally, but I have a life away from this.

Everyday. When I wake up, I can't help but think that I don't want to live another day with the symptoms, mainly the voices, anxiety, and dizziness are the ones that effect me the most.

Today I'm trying to focus on things I do that aren't related to my illnesses.

I'm spending time with my cats and they are getting a present today, will post a picture later.

I've spoke to my family. I've had a tidy up, I'm going to continue to do blog posts, watching some things that wasn't illness related.

Even though I'm trying really hard to not think about my illnesses or give in to them, The voices are trying their best to get my full attention.

I don't know if I can do this, my life has just been built around the illnesses! I want to be more than them but I don't know how.

Any advice or tips?

anorexia · Anxiety · Carer · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · depression · Diary · Disappointment · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · exercise · family · Food · Future · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Nhs · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

I like to blog but forget to look for other blogs? Is it just me.

I enjoy writing blog posts especially as it’s a way to get rid of feelings and to let others know what’s going on. 

But I forget to look for other blogsz I’m sure there are loads out there in similar situations and I want to be able to share experiences and keep up with what life is throwing at you. So I’m going to find new blogs to follow, why don’t you join me… search something that relates to you and follow some new amazing blogs. Xx

anorexia · Anxiety · Carer · Daily update · delusions · depression · Diary · Disappointment · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Sectioned day five 23 to go? 

I had Ward round yesterday, didn’t go as planned I was 100% hopeful I was going to be discharged. I was on level three someone with me at all times. I went in to the ward round believeing I was going home because all the staff that had been me told me I could probably go home. So going in there and coming out with better medication plan, and a plan to possibly someleave if my level two goes okay, so now I’m only checked every 15 minutes, but honestly they don’t keep to that they do it when ever they want roughly around once an hour. So I finally have Privacy to go to the toilet,  it’s seriously a luxury.

It will only take one stone to fall and destroy all current progress. 

Anxiety · Carer · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · depression · Diary · Disappointment · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Nhs · Now · Past · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Day 4 of being sectioned.

My first few days started off okay was a few blips, but I felt with it okay. 

On day two at night things came to much it all built up so much with the thoughts going around and around and the voices taking control that I could no longer control it. I harmed and the alarms were pulled, I did it four times, they had to literally drag me away from the wall. I hate myself for that choice. Since I’ve been put back on level 3 which is where you have no privacy and your followed everywhere, always a member of staff with you one to one. 

Yesterday I spoke to my main nurse she was great and had a brilliant idea of when you get worked up go in to the garden and listen to music, shower etc, some good points which I had not thought about. I have no thoughts of harming I just want my medication to be better and then to get out. I want to do a skydive when I get out to make a statement that I want to live my life to the fullest.

I had my first shower last night, it felt amazing. I’m in clean clothes and I’m sat writing this post hoping they will get a doctor so my observations can be re thought about, I would like some privacy. 

I need my medication to be sorted, there’s no point being here if they won’t even put me on the correct medication. I’m hoping by getting an advocate this will really help. My point just doesn’t seem to get listen too. Feeling a bit confused at what the point of me being here is if they don’t up my medication.
I miss my cats.

Anxiety · Carer · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · depression · Diary · Disappointment · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · God · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health act · Nhs · Past · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Been sectioned.

I’ve been sectioned under section two of the mental health act.

I was going to a routine appointment with my psychiatrist and cpn, then they went out the room and brought mental health act assessments in. And you guessed it I’m now detained under the mental health act. In a mental hospital that I can’t leave, I could be here for 28 days, one day down. 

anorexia · Anxiety · beach · Daily update · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Maternity · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Nhs · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

My picture semicolon project.

Took this picture over the weekend. 

Your story isn’t over, key fighting! 

angry · Anxiety · Carer · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · depression · Diary · Disappointment · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · God · hallucinations · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Nhs · Past · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

What there up too…

They are spying on me through the windows and spyders and bugs somehow getting in. 

These are reporting to the mental health team, government and the devil. They are in control of the spying. They know what there looking for. 

There after my DNA to clone me. And will probably keep me in some kind of prison. They wouldn’t want me escaping it’s to risky for them, for there cover to be exposed. 

They want me because my body is invincible. I can’t die. It’s physically impossible for my body to die. 

I’m terrified because where ever I go I’m in danger. I’m scared. 

They want me to take medication but I’m not sure why. Maybe to put bugs in my body to record where I am. And to make me not realise what there up too. I’m not ill so why would I need medication. My body works differently from others. 

The Voices are warning me and telling when I’m being followed, they are also telling me to cut and drain. I’m scared of them because they want me to do things I don’t want to do. I’m glad there warning me, maybe they are helping me! 

God is really important, he talks to me. He gives me hope that they will stop spying on me and that God can fight off the devil. 

STOP SPYING ON ME!!!!!