anorexia · Anxiety · beach · Daily update · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Maternity · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Nhs · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

My picture semicolon project.

Took this picture over the weekend. 

Your story isn’t over, key fighting! 

angry · Anxiety · Carer · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · depression · Diary · Disappointment · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · God · hallucinations · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Nhs · Past · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

What there up too…

They are spying on me through the windows and spyders and bugs somehow getting in. 

These are reporting to the mental health team, government and the devil. They are in control of the spying. They know what there looking for. 

There after my DNA to clone me. And will probably keep me in some kind of prison. They wouldn’t want me escaping it’s to risky for them, for there cover to be exposed. 

They want me because my body is invincible. I can’t die. It’s physically impossible for my body to die. 

I’m terrified because where ever I go I’m in danger. I’m scared. 

They want me to take medication but I’m not sure why. Maybe to put bugs in my body to record where I am. And to make me not realise what there up too. I’m not ill so why would I need medication. My body works differently from others. 

The Voices are warning me and telling when I’m being followed, they are also telling me to cut and drain. I’m scared of them because they want me to do things I don’t want to do. I’m glad there warning me, maybe they are helping me! 

God is really important, he talks to me. He gives me hope that they will stop spying on me and that God can fight off the devil. 

STOP SPYING ON ME!!!!! 

anorexia · Anxiety · Carer · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · depression · Diary · Disappointment · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · Future · God · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Lonely · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Nhs · Now · Past · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

Cpn today’s appointment. 

My cpn turned up 50 minutes late as it was a home visit. And stayed 9 minutes. A record. Also not seeing her next week because I have an ecg and blood test, so collecting medication from the mental hospital. 

I know she is plotting against me all of the above is proof of what’s going on.

Spoke to the reverent at the hospital today over the phone. We talked about harming. Which today I did. I didn’t tell my cpn, she didn’t ask, and I need to stay in control. 

I’m not really sure what my plan is from here. 

The voices have been so bad, I can control them.

I want no contact with anyone, I don’t trust them! Who can I trust, I’m scared?! 

Anxiety · Daily update · delusions · depression · Diary · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · hallucinations · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

Why can I see them…?

I look up at the ceiling and I see these small spiders scattered around, when I try and focus on one it disappears. But when I look again there everywhere?! It’s so scary, although I’m pretty calm. 

I don’t really know where my head is? Am I alive? 

anorexia · Anxiety · Carer · Charity · Daily update · delusions · depression · Diary · Disappointment · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · exercise · Food · Future · Glad · God · hallucinations · Happy · Health · healthy · hospital · Lonely · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Nhs · Now · Over weight · Overweight · Past · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Sisters · spying · Support worker · Tattoo · Therapy · Voices · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

I have now officially hit the 1000th post on my blog!

My blog has been with me through some years and some really tough times. 

I will continue to blog regularly, thank you to all my followers and people that read my posts. Love to you all!

YEY… 1000th post! 

Anxiety · beach · Carer · Daily update · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Health · Medication · Mental health · psychiatrist · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · self harm · Support worker · Voices

Beach, but no motorways, why? 

So this weekend I went to the beach as a passenger in a car, but you might not know the Answer to the title…

Well a few weeks ago I attempted to jump out of a car going 70mph. I had just had enough and so overwhelmed with the voices. 

Since this I have been on a motorway, especially as it was my carer driving both the time I tried to jump out and this weekend. 

I do feel a bit safer but it can change so quickly and it’s impulsive. Although it is mainly from so many things building up on me. 

Anyway it was nice to be at the beach although I was convinced there was going to be a tsunami in the U.K. 

anorexia · Anxiety · Daily update · depression · Diary · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Food · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · Therapy · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Decisions?!?

I’m awful at making decisions, I swing to the two extremes. There’s no grey area. It’s all or nothing. 

So I’ve been thinking about how physically unwell I am at the moment and how and what can I do to help myself feel better. 

So I can take iron supplements to help with my low iron and anemia or harm more, the two extremes. 

So the plan is to make smaller changes I’m going to start with my diet, I only really eat dinner and even then I don’t eat a lot. So I’m going to see if there are dinners that are healthy but still no meat, I do have five vegetables with dinner but they are always the same ones. 

So I’ve got to find healthy vegetarian meals that I will attempt to eat more of.