31 day blog challenge · anorexia · Anxiety · depression · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · Schizophrenia · Therapy

Day 20- Diagnosis

Over the years my diagnosis have changed, mainly due to recovering from them, when I was younger I was diagnosed with,

depression

ocd and

anorexia.

I was treated with antidepressants and had a lot of cbt, (cognitive behavioural therapy.) and weekly meetings with my child and adolescents services. The crisis team were involved a lot, but never found them helpful.

I recovered from depression and coped with ocd through therapy and medication.

Anorexia took a little bit longer to recover from I guess when I was 19 I would say I started to recover by eating in front of people and learning to eat in public.

But I soon discovered alcohol and my weight was still an issue in my head but I don’t remember being anorexic and then overweight. It felt like it happened overnight. But now I’m able to look back on pictures and see that it was the alcohol. I was drinking so much alcohol that I was having twice the daily limit of calories. I was soon over weight and currently still am. Although I lost 50 lbs since this time last year, I slipped back down the alcohol spiral a few months ago and that 50lbs is back on.

Currently I am diagnosed with

anxiety,

schizophrenia and

emotionally unstable personality disorder.

I’m currently taking medication to keep my symptoms under control, and I am supposed to be started on the strongest antipsychotic currently around. I’m hoping this will help me more. As I’m currently not getting enough relief from the one I’m on. I’ve had a few sessions of therapy but the nhs only give you 20 session and that’s not enough to get into deep emotions, symptoms and behaviours.

So I will carry on fighting.

I’ve only included the diagnosis. I have not included any symptoms. I don’t want to trigger any one, so I won’t be including these and the ways I learn to self cope. If I thought they were helpful I would.

I also haven’t included any physical illnesses as my blog is mainly about mental illness.

anorexia · Anxiety · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

World mental health day. 10th October 2017.

Happy world mental health day!

This is a message to say to all those out there suffering with mental illness that your not alone. Speak out don’t suffer in silence.💙

Anxiety · Cpn · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Nhs · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices · Weight · weight gain

Clozapine trial

I’m anxious and first off if you’ve got any advice or personal stories of trial with clozapine, (clozaril.)

My Diagnosis: anxiety, emotionally unstable personality disorder, and schizophrenia.

I’ve tried most antipsychotic medications, and at really high dosages, they help for a while but then I get resistant to that.

I’m really scared of the weight gain as the side effects, what’s your side effects?

anorexia · Anxiety · Carer · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · depression · Disappointment · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Nhs · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

What is a day like on an acute psychiatric ward?

I bet you won’t believe this is an acute psychiatric ward, but let me tell you what this ward is like.

It is a secure locked acute psychiatric ward. It’s where you go if you are quite mentally unwell.
At about 7am we all get woken for breakfast, but honestly most of us go back to sleep, throughout the night someone checks on us every hour, it depends which staff do the checks some just look through the glass frosted window others do that and turn the full bright light on. Helpful I know. Sleep is important to recovery. 

Anyway after that its medication time around 9 am, I like getting there early to miss the cue of 19 other patients.

Then if we want escorted leave we can go to a planning meeting, for a member of staff and a time to be set for escorted leave, which means a member of staff has to come with you, especially if your on a section, for your first few leaves.

There are a lot of Alarms going off, basically if a member of staff who’s doing the hourly checks on patients sees something worrying or bad like agitation or self harm, the alarm will be pulled it’s on every member of staffs keyring, and then staff go running to the room where the alarm was pulled. Usually there’s a lot of shouting especially if the alarm was pulled for someone trashing their room. These alarms happen a lot and are very unsettling.


Then there is visiting time.

Then Lunch, which is usually be pre made sandwiches.

Then Medication again. 

Sometimes if the Occupational therapist is in she will come and open the art room, so we can do something creative or if it’s the day the dog comes in we will pet the dog.

There are also Three tv rooms, one massive one then two more private ones. But if you want to change the channel good luck trying to find the remote.

There are Two quiet rooms

To your surprise we have our own bedroom with own shower/toilet/ sink. With a paper curtain, no doors and a shelf for clothes. We can have a personal key to lock it. We can access it at any time day or night.
Windows strong and mental so can’t get out


There is a beautiful garden which can be accessed through the canteen or through the large to room. It’s got really high metal fences, and there are flower arrangements which are so pretty.

Visiting hours are very strict your only allowed in the dinning room, and through to the garden or the Hub which is a oval shaped room in the middle of the ward, there is sofas, chairs, tables and a table tennis table. It’s pretty relaxed in there. There are three visiting hours a day.

I stress so much about ward round, the days and times are changed nearly every week. It’s very unsettling. I’ve also now been told my consultant is off for two weeks, causes so much anxiety. In ward round your able to talk about possible medication changes, any side effects from medications and about possible leave/discharge.

You can come in to the hospital two ways. Under a Sectioned or as a Voluntary patient. The main difference is leave, if you have chose to be here you can go out on leave alone a lot more than if you are sectioned. Also if your voluntary then you can ask to discharge your self, they can say no and if you still adiment your going, they can section you. I feel there isn’t too much difference.

Leave can be given by your consultant if your sectioned and most likely it will be escorted leave, someone with you at all times. But if your in here voluntary then you can just ask the nurses if you can go when you want between 10am and 8pm, sometimes they may say no and if you are still wanting to go they can section you for a few hours/day to prevent you leaving the ward.

Cleaners come round everyday. They are meant to hoover, and mop the floor and clean the bathroom. And also they do the communal areas too.

Everyday your meant to be offered your One to one with your named nurse for that day.

Care plan is given to you when you’ve been on the ward a few days and the nurses, doctors and consultants can have an input on what needs to be worked on while on the ward and things you may need help with.

Observation levels will depend on how much of a risk the staff think you are. These can change from being 2:1 which is two staff with you at all times. Then 1:1 which is one stag always with you, then level 3 this means every 15 ministers your meant to be checked on, or level 4 is when your checked on hourly. These are good opportunities to ask the staff for help if you aren’t brace enough to leave your room.

What you can and cant have here…

They are very strict about what you can and can’t have. I’m not going to go in to detail because I don’t want to give others any ideas.

Around the ward there are really nice pictures. I think there meant to give hope and to show you beauty.

The ward I was in your allowed to have phones but they get charged in a cupboard.

I know all wards are different, so there may not be the same things I’ve described.

I hope you all stay well and I’m here if you need to talk.

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10th September suicide prevention day.

10th September is suicide awareness day, but it’s also my birthday.

I feel really passionate about it being suicide awareness day, I’ve attempted suicide many times, as you’ve probably guessed I didn’t succeed.

I want to help others who feel they need to attempt suicide or are thinking about it.

I can’t say your life will be smooth and that there won’t be struggles because that’s unrealistic, but I can say your not alone. There are loads of charities out there that want to help YOU! And I’m here if you want to talk through how your feeling.

I care.

https://www.awarenessdays.com/awareness-days-calendar/world-suicide-prevention-day-2017/

https://www.samaritans.org/media-centre/our-campaigns/world-suicide-prevention-day

anorexia · Anxiety · beauty · depression · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · exercise · Health · healthy · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Past · Personality disorder · scared · Schizophrenia · self harm · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

I don’t want any more scars.

I’m so embarrassed in front on my own family. I hate how I look, fat, stretch marks and scars self inflicted and non self inflicted.

I will never get the chance to go back in time and not hurt myself, or back in time about going to one extreme of eating disorder to the other.

I do want to try to love my body, here’s 3 things I love about my body…

  • My tattoos,
  • My legs when they’ve been shaved and feel smooth,
  • The colour of my hair,

Now it’s your turn…

Comment three things you love about your body… ❤️

anorexia · Anxiety · Daily update · delusions · depression · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · Future · Glad · Happy · Health · healthy · Lonely · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Therapy

Don’t judge by clothes or scars

I went in to a subway restaurant while I was away on holiday in the uk. You might ask why is she telling me this… well there was a lady serving us with lots of scars on her arms. I immediately wanted to give her a hug and tell her how brave she is. But why should I treat her any different.

I was judging her they could be scars from something unrelated to mental health.

Moral to me don’t judge people by there cover.

But if you are struggling with mental health issues or self harm, keep fighting I’m proud of you. Your so brave. I’m here for you.

Sending hugs your way. Xxx