They hate it when I do it but I feel that it gets out what there saying and that I have the information to go back to of what they said so that I can find the clues and answers.
It helps in some way, maybe it’s like a problem shared is a problem halved? If that makes any sense?
It helps to write it, it also just flows out of me, pouring the words and commands on to the page. Re-reading the words as if I’ve never heard them before when in reality I’ve heard them so many times I can’t remember.
They are spying on me through the windows and spyders and bugs somehow getting in.
These are reporting to the mental health team, government and the devil. They are in control of the spying. They know what there looking for.
There after my DNA to clone me. And will probably keep me in some kind of prison. They wouldn’t want me escaping it’s to risky for them, for there cover to be exposed.
They want me because my body is invincible. I can’t die. It’s physically impossible for my body to die.
I’m terrified because where ever I go I’m in danger. I’m scared.
They want me to take medication but I’m not sure why. Maybe to put bugs in my body to record where I am. And to make me not realise what there up too. I’m not ill so why would I need medication. My body works differently from others.
The Voices are warning me and telling when I’m being followed, they are also telling me to cut and drain. I’m scared of them because they want me to do things I don’t want to do. I’m glad there warning me, maybe they are helping me!
God is really important, he talks to me. He gives me hope that they will stop spying on me and that God can fight off the devil.
STOP SPYING ON ME!!!!!
My cpn turned up 50 minutes late as it was a home visit. And stayed 9 minutes. A record. Also not seeing her next week because I have an ecg and blood test, so collecting medication from the mental hospital.
I know she is plotting against me all of the above is proof of what’s going on.
Spoke to the reverent at the hospital today over the phone. We talked about harming. Which today I did. I didn’t tell my cpn, she didn’t ask, and I need to stay in control.
I’m not really sure what my plan is from here.
The voices have been so bad, I can control them.
I want no contact with anyone, I don’t trust them! Who can I trust, I’m scared?!
My blog has been with me through some years and some really tough times.
I will continue to blog regularly, thank you to all my followers and people that read my posts. Love to you all!
YEY… 1000th post!
Fine, I will stop all my medication. If it isn’t going to solve things, why prescribe me the quetiapine and diazepam?
I was asking for help, I’m desperate and asking for your help, but I get nothing back. I’m going over the edge.
I’m going to try my best to no longer call or have contact with them, I don’t need them. Enough is enough. Alone.
Things are really tough at the moment.
I feel so alone and scared. It’s hurting me. I feel my heart falling apart and my body failing me.
I wish my family wanted me and cared about me.
I’m struggling to keep myself from ending it all. I’m not sure if that’s me being brave, or me being stupid. Would it be better too fly away quickly and painlessly.
I’m sorry for going on and lack of posts but my life is falling apart right in front of me.
Woke up with horrible nightmares,
Found something that I wrote a year ago about something some had said to me. It’s making me remember those times and I’m really upset.
I don’t know what to do, I think I want to get in my car and drive away. Somewhere no one will find me.
I’m still angry at my sister for limiting my contact with my niece.
I feel my family aren’t even bothered if I’m alive or dead. They don’t contact me at all so as far as they are aware I could be dead.
I feel so rubbish and alone.