Anxiety · Career · Carer · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · hallucinations · Health · Lonely · Mental age · Mental health · Mental health act · Nhs · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · Support worker · Therapy

Leave me be… talk to me, double sided rubber bracelet.

My bracelet leave me be in red and talk to me on green. It’s soft and nice to wear. It’s easy to swap between sides. It’s a large bracelet and as far as I’m aware they only come in inside, and it’s large, even on me and I’m an adult.

It’s a great way non verbal or verbal can express if they want to talk or not.

It’s a great way to express when they want to talk. It’s neutral so it suites both make and female.

It’s great if you can’t verbalise what you want.

Anxiety · clozapine · delusions · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Future · hallucinations · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · Support worker · Voices

Medication to survive.

I hate the fact that I have to take medication to be sane.

Would I rather be who I really am with no medication or this fake medicated self.

Maybe I want the voices, maybe I want to not know what’s real, may be I want to feel free and feel I have no responsibilities.

I wish I was free.

No medication.

No rules.

Just me!

Anxiety · clozapine · Cpn · delusions · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Voices

Medication update.

Hopefully no more changes. I think I’m at the right dosage.

I’m on…

  • 400 mg clozapine
  • 500mg pregabline
  • 2mg diazepam
  • 1.25 mg bisoprolol
  • Kwells
  • Vitamin b complex

They are really helping me to not be symptomatic.

Anxiety · clozapine · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · scared · self harm

Medication was changed on Thursday.

TRIGGER WARNING…. overdoes, and medication.

Clozapine is being upped to 400mg

400mg which I’m a bit worried about but I think it will be okay. They know what there doing.

My pregabline is being increased next week too.

When will my medication stop being messed around with.

When will I feel better. It’s such a difficult time. I’ve just to try and put trust in to them.

The urge to overdose is really strong.

clozapine · delusions · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Is this motivation…?

I have been so unmotivated for weeks now.

Today has been the first day I got out of bed and stayed awake. I’m even attempting to exercise, to help with loosing weight.

Have you or anyone you know taken clozapine and lost weight?

clozapine · Daily update · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · Voices

Day 8. Clozapine. 30.10.17

Saw my support work on the way in to the hospital today. She had been off for a week. Hopefully going to catch up with her later on in the week.

Today my blood pressure was up, I heard talking while having it done increases your blood pressure, it worked.

I’m on 75mg today. And also they have upped the rate of it increasing so I don’t have to wait an extra day so tomorrow it goes up by 50mg in the evening and 75mg in the morning.

I feel a little bit suspicious about everyone, I’m also struggling with the voices and being told to harm. I’m not sure how long I can hold out.

I’m staying here an hour, and then going home until later when I’m having my weekly blood test and blood pressure check.

I’m trying my best to keep hydrated but it’s difficult, I’m not used to drinking a lot, but I’m trying my best, already had a litre and it’s 9:45am.