Anxiety · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

Monday 16th October 2017

I’m back in to the local mental health hospital. I had a blood test last week that showed low white blood cells, and because of this I was unable to start clozapine, this is another blood test to see if anything has changed from last week.

I hope they get blood easily, they normally have to try a few times to get enough blood. It’s very frustrating and causes slot of anxiety.

I’m sat in the cafe because they don’t think we are dignified enough to have a waiting room. So it’s going of flows of being busy. It’s making my anxiety going all over the place, but if I go on clozapine I’ve got to get use to waiting here because I will have to do this weekly.

I’m not sure this is the right step for me and is this the sign.

I don’t know what to do, I’ve got my music on and that’s helping me feel calmer, but the voices are talking over it.

exercise · Food · Health · healthy · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Weight update.

I wish I could call this weightLOSS update, but I’m afraid that I’m heavier than I was this time last year.

I loss 50 lbs altogether and now that’s all back.

I really hate myself for that.

So I guess I need to put a plan in place to get back on that track. I’ve already made a good start to that with stopping alcohol. But I’m still eating loads of really unhealthy foods, and too much of that.

I also feel so tired at the moment and not able to exercise as much as I want.

My white blood cells are low and I wonder if that’s effecting me making me feel sleepy, if not then I really don’t know what to do and what’s going on.

Any help or suggestions would be very helpful.

So my weight is… 150lbs

With a goal of loosing 50lbs.

Help me loose weight.

anorexia · Anxiety · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

World mental health day. 10th October 2017.

Happy world mental health day!

This is a message to say to all those out there suffering with mental illness that your not alone. Speak out don’t suffer in silence.💙

Anxiety · exercise · Food · Health · healthy · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Trying to go to the gym.

I’ve been trying to go to the gym, when I go I feel good and it feels brilliant to be getting the endorphins from exercise. I never regret going to the gym, I just regret not going.

I keep finding excuses, or I drink alcohol.

That’s what I’m fighting right now. I’ve put on weight and I feel low and bad, I want to go to the gym tonight, but I’m expecting a delivery and I really want to drink the alcohol so I can say it’s all gone. Plus alcohol in the short term would make me feel better.

I will get to the gym but I need motivation, if my weight gain isn’t enough motivation, I don’t know what will.

How do you motivate yourself?

Anxiety · Cpn · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Nhs · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices · Weight · weight gain

Clozapine trial

I’m anxious and first off if you’ve got any advice or personal stories of trial with clozapine, (clozaril.)

My Diagnosis: anxiety, emotionally unstable personality disorder, and schizophrenia.

I’ve tried most antipsychotic medications, and at really high dosages, they help for a while but then I get resistant to that.

I’m really scared of the weight gain as the side effects, what’s your side effects?

Anxiety · cancer · Daily update · Doctors · Emotions · family · Future · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Miscarriage · Nhs · Personality disorder · scared · Sectioned · self harm

Thank you for giving blood, you saved mine and my sisters life.

Giving blood is so important to saving lives, you never know when you or a relative is going to need it to save lives.

Your a hero if you give blood, it’s live saving. That makes you a hero in my eyes.

At 2 my sister was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. (Cancer.) and a blood transfusion saved her many times. So a massive thank you to you!

I’ve also needed a few blood transfusions and without them I wouldn’t be here right now writing this blog post. I thank you from my heart for saving my life.

Even though at times I’ve wanted to die, I’m still 100% grateful for you saving my life. I only had my first blood transfusion under a section, and really resisted it, but it made a massive impact to how I physically felt and then my mental health got better.

I had one a few days ago, and this has made me think about all the hero’s out there. I know I can’t give blood myself but I’m motivated to fundraise for charities and help others in any other way I can.

Im hoping that, that’s my last blood transfusion and I can help others in any possible way.

Don’t worry if you can’t give blood you can still be a hero, there are many other ways to save life’s, fundraising, donating to charity, volunteers, working on research or working for charity’s that fund research.

anorexia · Anxiety · Daily update · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · exercise · Food · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Personality disorder · scared · Schizophrenia · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

When did I get fat?

It feels like yesterday I felt thin and was at my lowest weight this year, the next thing I know I’m back into the overweight category.

I hate myself. I see all or nothing.

What I see in the mirror changes everything time even if I saw it seconds ago, it will be different a second later.

I need to get back down to that weight, it means so much to me to try and loose the weight and feel good about myself.

I’m fat, what I see in the mirror is fat, devil, and distorted. It’s scary.