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Monday 16th October 2017

I’m back in to the local mental health hospital. I had a blood test last week that showed low white blood cells, and because of this I was unable to start clozapine, this is another blood test to see if anything has changed from last week.

I hope they get blood easily, they normally have to try a few times to get enough blood. It’s very frustrating and causes slot of anxiety.

I’m sat in the cafe because they don’t think we are dignified enough to have a waiting room. So it’s going of flows of being busy. It’s making my anxiety going all over the place, but if I go on clozapine I’ve got to get use to waiting here because I will have to do this weekly.

I’m not sure this is the right step for me and is this the sign.

I don’t know what to do, I’ve got my music on and that’s helping me feel calmer, but the voices are talking over it.

exercise · Food · Health · healthy · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Weight update.

I wish I could call this weightLOSS update, but I’m afraid that I’m heavier than I was this time last year.

I loss 50 lbs altogether and now that’s all back.

I really hate myself for that.

So I guess I need to put a plan in place to get back on that track. I’ve already made a good start to that with stopping alcohol. But I’m still eating loads of really unhealthy foods, and too much of that.

I also feel so tired at the moment and not able to exercise as much as I want.

My white blood cells are low and I wonder if that’s effecting me making me feel sleepy, if not then I really don’t know what to do and what’s going on.

Any help or suggestions would be very helpful.

So my weight is… 150lbs

With a goal of loosing 50lbs.

Help me loose weight.

anorexia · Anxiety · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

World mental health day. 10th October 2017.

Happy world mental health day!

This is a message to say to all those out there suffering with mental illness that your not alone. Speak out don’t suffer in silence.💙

Anxiety · exercise · Food · Health · healthy · Mental health · Over weight · Overweight · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Trying to go to the gym.

I’ve been trying to go to the gym, when I go I feel good and it feels brilliant to be getting the endorphins from exercise. I never regret going to the gym, I just regret not going.

I keep finding excuses, or I drink alcohol.

That’s what I’m fighting right now. I’ve put on weight and I feel low and bad, I want to go to the gym tonight, but I’m expecting a delivery and I really want to drink the alcohol so I can say it’s all gone. Plus alcohol in the short term would make me feel better.

I will get to the gym but I need motivation, if my weight gain isn’t enough motivation, I don’t know what will.

How do you motivate yourself?

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Clozapine trial

I’m anxious and first off if you’ve got any advice or personal stories of trial with clozapine, (clozaril.)

My Diagnosis: anxiety, emotionally unstable personality disorder, and schizophrenia.

I’ve tried most antipsychotic medications, and at really high dosages, they help for a while but then I get resistant to that.

I’m really scared of the weight gain as the side effects, what’s your side effects?

Anxiety · Daily update · delusions · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Future · hallucinations · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Voices · Weight · weight gain

Psychiatrist appointment

Last week I had a psychiatrist appointment, this caused so much anxiety as last time I went three months ago I was sectioned there and then.

But this time was relatively positive, I’m being put in s trial of clozapine, hoping it will treat both my personality disorder and schizophrenia.

I’ve never been on it but running out of antipsychotics that work.

Any advice would be really appreciated.

Feel free to comment or email me rosiestar11@yahoo.co.uk