TRIGGER WARNING…. overdoes, and medication.
Clozapine is being upped to 400mg
400mg which I’m a bit worried about but I think it will be okay. They know what there doing.
My pregabline is being increased next week too.
When will my medication stop being messed around with.
When will I feel better. It’s such a difficult time. I’ve just to try and put trust in to them.
The urge to overdose is really strong.
I’m back in to the local mental health hospital. I had a blood test last week that showed low white blood cells, and because of this I was unable to start clozapine, this is another blood test to see if anything has changed from last week.
I hope they get blood easily, they normally have to try a few times to get enough blood. It’s very frustrating and causes slot of anxiety.
I’m sat in the cafe because they don’t think we are dignified enough to have a waiting room. So it’s going of flows of being busy. It’s making my anxiety going all over the place, but if I go on clozapine I’ve got to get use to waiting here because I will have to do this weekly.
I’m not sure this is the right step for me and is this the sign.
I don’t know what to do, I’ve got my music on and that’s helping me feel calmer, but the voices are talking over it.
I’m anxious and first off if you’ve got any advice or personal stories of trial with clozapine, (clozaril.)
My Diagnosis: anxiety, emotionally unstable personality disorder, and schizophrenia.
I’ve tried most antipsychotic medications, and at really high dosages, they help for a while but then I get resistant to that.
I’m really scared of the weight gain as the side effects, what’s your side effects?
Okay, so yes in the past my post have been about this but it all calmed down until now I’ve noticed a lot of things have been going on with out me focusing too much on it.
The spiders everywhere, I’m killing and keeping them. EVIDENCE!!!
I want to call the police but they are connected to the government, they will get me locked away somewhere.
I don’t want the government to know I’m on to them.
I know they are probably going to try to get mental health workers involved, and at the moment I’m not seeing them. And collecting my medication from the hospital.
Another problem is the medication I have no clue what they are putting in it other than if I try to stop it makes me have really bad withdrawals.
Giving blood is so important to saving lives, you never know when you or a relative is going to need it to save lives.
Your a hero if you give blood, it’s live saving. That makes you a hero in my eyes.
At 2 my sister was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. (Cancer.) and a blood transfusion saved her many times. So a massive thank you to you!
I’ve also needed a few blood transfusions and without them I wouldn’t be here right now writing this blog post. I thank you from my heart for saving my life.
Even though at times I’ve wanted to die, I’m still 100% grateful for you saving my life. I only had my first blood transfusion under a section, and really resisted it, but it made a massive impact to how I physically felt and then my mental health got better.
I had one a few days ago, and this has made me think about all the hero’s out there. I know I can’t give blood myself but I’m motivated to fundraise for charities and help others in any other way I can.
Im hoping that, that’s my last blood transfusion and I can help others in any possible way.
Don’t worry if you can’t give blood you can still be a hero, there are many other ways to save life’s, fundraising, donating to charity, volunteers, working on research or working for charity’s that fund research.
My blood pressure and blood levels were really low. So far I’ve had two bags of blood, and there’s a talk of three.
I’d really appreciate your support.
long story short I need a blood transfusion.
My blood pressure went down to 49/94. I signed myself out against medical advice.
I wasn’t ready for that as an out come. I guesss deep down I thought it would all be okay and be given the all clear but no.
My plan is to spend the day at home today, and then call my gp tomorrow to explain the situation and then go in for the transfusion in a planned way. That way I’m in control and I’ve mentally prepared myself for it.
I’m going to have to deal with the change in my harming, having a cannula put in and then a blood transfusion go into my body.
I’m not going to lie even though I’ve had a few, I’m still really scared.
Do I deserve the help?
Is it wasting blood resources on me?