Today i had my 3 months review with my psychiatrist at the local mental health hospital.
I was so scared. I was meant to be meeting my new cpn. That’s for another blog post.
My cpn, support worker, carer and psychiatrist were all in the one rooks, it was very intimidated. I didn’t really know what to say.
They always want to talk about the spying and my feelings around that. It confuses me because i do see how that is relevant. I know they say it’s because i have an illness that makes me thing these kind of things.
Anyway my clozapine is being increase to 150 mg morning and around 2pm, and then 200mg before bed.
I will still be taking 600mg daily of pregabline, and the medications for my physical health.
Anyway I’m note really sure what was said and that. I’m so there was said and i cant remember much.
Today I had to go to my local mental health hospital to collect medication. Normally I walk but today I have my car so I was able to drive there.
I did it.
I drove there, parked, got a ticket, walked in all on my own.
I can’t quite believe it.
Clozapine has given me my life back.
I feel things have improved so much since being on it, but the weekly blood tests and trying to remember to take it twice a day make it so difficult to look just at the positives.
I will admit. Clozapine is the best antipsychotic I’ve been on and trust me I’ve nearly tried them all.
TRIGGER WARNING…. overdoes, and medication.
Clozapine is being upped to 400mg
400mg which I’m a bit worried about but I think it will be okay. They know what there doing.
My pregabline is being increased next week too.
When will my medication stop being messed around with.
When will I feel better. It’s such a difficult time. I’ve just to try and put trust in to them.
The urge to overdose is really strong.
I’m back in to the local mental health hospital. I had a blood test last week that showed low white blood cells, and because of this I was unable to start clozapine, this is another blood test to see if anything has changed from last week.
I hope they get blood easily, they normally have to try a few times to get enough blood. It’s very frustrating and causes slot of anxiety.
I’m sat in the cafe because they don’t think we are dignified enough to have a waiting room. So it’s going of flows of being busy. It’s making my anxiety going all over the place, but if I go on clozapine I’ve got to get use to waiting here because I will have to do this weekly.
I’m not sure this is the right step for me and is this the sign.
I don’t know what to do, I’ve got my music on and that’s helping me feel calmer, but the voices are talking over it.
I’m anxious and first off if you’ve got any advice or personal stories of trial with clozapine, (clozaril.)
My Diagnosis: anxiety, emotionally unstable personality disorder, and schizophrenia.
I’ve tried most antipsychotic medications, and at really high dosages, they help for a while but then I get resistant to that.
I’m really scared of the weight gain as the side effects, what’s your side effects?
Okay, so yes in the past my post have been about this but it all calmed down until now I’ve noticed a lot of things have been going on with out me focusing too much on it.
The spiders everywhere, I’m killing and keeping them. EVIDENCE!!!
I want to call the police but they are connected to the government, they will get me locked away somewhere.
I don’t want the government to know I’m on to them.
I know they are probably going to try to get mental health workers involved, and at the moment I’m not seeing them. And collecting my medication from the hospital.
Another problem is the medication I have no clue what they are putting in it other than if I try to stop it makes me have really bad withdrawals.