31 day blog challenge · anorexia · Anxiety · depression · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · Schizophrenia · Therapy

Day 20- Diagnosis

Over the years my diagnosis have changed, mainly due to recovering from them, when I was younger I was diagnosed with,


ocd and


I was treated with antidepressants and had a lot of cbt, (cognitive behavioural therapy.) and weekly meetings with my child and adolescents services. The crisis team were involved a lot, but never found them helpful.

I recovered from depression and coped with ocd through therapy and medication.

Anorexia took a little bit longer to recover from I guess when I was 19 I would say I started to recover by eating in front of people and learning to eat in public.

But I soon discovered alcohol and my weight was still an issue in my head but I don’t remember being anorexic and then overweight. It felt like it happened overnight. But now I’m able to look back on pictures and see that it was the alcohol. I was drinking so much alcohol that I was having twice the daily limit of calories. I was soon over weight and currently still am. Although I lost 50 lbs since this time last year, I slipped back down the alcohol spiral a few months ago and that 50lbs is back on.

Currently I am diagnosed with


schizophrenia and

emotionally unstable personality disorder.

I’m currently taking medication to keep my symptoms under control, and I am supposed to be started on the strongest antipsychotic currently around. I’m hoping this will help me more. As I’m currently not getting enough relief from the one I’m on. I’ve had a few sessions of therapy but the nhs only give you 20 session and that’s not enough to get into deep emotions, symptoms and behaviours.

So I will carry on fighting.

I’ve only included the diagnosis. I have not included any symptoms. I don’t want to trigger any one, so I won’t be including these and the ways I learn to self cope. If I thought they were helpful I would.

I also haven’t included any physical illnesses as my blog is mainly about mental illness.

Anxiety · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

Monday 16th October 2017

I’m back in to the local mental health hospital. I had a blood test last week that showed low white blood cells, and because of this I was unable to start clozapine, this is another blood test to see if anything has changed from last week.

I hope they get blood easily, they normally have to try a few times to get enough blood. It’s very frustrating and causes slot of anxiety.

I’m sat in the cafe because they don’t think we are dignified enough to have a waiting room. So it’s going of flows of being busy. It’s making my anxiety going all over the place, but if I go on clozapine I’ve got to get use to waiting here because I will have to do this weekly.

I’m not sure this is the right step for me and is this the sign.

I don’t know what to do, I’ve got my music on and that’s helping me feel calmer, but the voices are talking over it.

Medication · Mental health

Day 15- Best and worst medication I’ve been on

Gosh this is a hard one.

I’ve been on ALOT of medication, for all kinds of physical and mental health problems.

I think so far quetiapine for my schizophrenia has been very helpful, and pregabline for my anxiety.

I’m starting clozapine and I’ve heard miracle stories. I’m hoping it helps me. I want to start living and not surviving.

Worst medication I think would have to be codeine, it was for a head ache but it was so horrible to get off it even though I was on it a few days.

Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · Schizophrenia

Clozapine trial on hold.

I was meant to be starting clozapine on Monday but my bloods are already bad.

My white blood cells are already in the amber band which mean they can go ahead until they are better.

I’ve got another blood test on Monday, I hope my white blood cells have gone up, but maybe this is all happening for a reason. And how am I suppose to get my white blood cells up.

I’m worried that they are putting my white blood cell level down to current medication (quetiapine) when there’s an underlying medical reason for why they are low and I feel unwell.

I guess what ever happens, happens.

anorexia · Anxiety · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

World mental health day. 10th October 2017.

Happy world mental health day!

This is a message to say to all those out there suffering with mental illness that your not alone. Speak out don’t suffer in silence.💙

Anxiety · Cpn · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Nhs · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices · Weight · weight gain

Clozapine trial

I’m anxious and first off if you’ve got any advice or personal stories of trial with clozapine, (clozaril.)

My Diagnosis: anxiety, emotionally unstable personality disorder, and schizophrenia.

I’ve tried most antipsychotic medications, and at really high dosages, they help for a while but then I get resistant to that.

I’m really scared of the weight gain as the side effects, what’s your side effects?