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What there up too…

They are spying on me through the windows and spyders and bugs somehow getting in. 

These are reporting to the mental health team, government and the devil. They are in control of the spying. They know what there looking for. 

There after my DNA to clone me. And will probably keep me in some kind of prison. They wouldn’t want me escaping it’s to risky for them, for there cover to be exposed. 

They want me because my body is invincible. I can’t die. It’s physically impossible for my body to die. 

I’m terrified because where ever I go I’m in danger. I’m scared. 

They want me to take medication but I’m not sure why. Maybe to put bugs in my body to record where I am. And to make me not realise what there up too. I’m not ill so why would I need medication. My body works differently from others. 

The Voices are warning me and telling when I’m being followed, they are also telling me to cut and drain. I’m scared of them because they want me to do things I don’t want to do. I’m glad there warning me, maybe they are helping me! 

God is really important, he talks to me. He gives me hope that they will stop spying on me and that God can fight off the devil. 

STOP SPYING ON ME!!!!! 

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Cpn today’s appointment. 

My cpn turned up 50 minutes late as it was a home visit. And stayed 9 minutes. A record. Also not seeing her next week because I have an ecg and blood test, so collecting medication from the mental hospital. 

I know she is plotting against me all of the above is proof of what’s going on.

Spoke to the reverent at the hospital today over the phone. We talked about harming. Which today I did. I didn’t tell my cpn, she didn’t ask, and I need to stay in control. 

I’m not really sure what my plan is from here. 

The voices have been so bad, I can control them.

I want no contact with anyone, I don’t trust them! Who can I trust, I’m scared?! 

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I have now officially hit the 1000th post on my blog!

My blog has been with me through some years and some really tough times. 

I will continue to blog regularly, thank you to all my followers and people that read my posts. Love to you all!

YEY… 1000th post! 

Anxiety · Carer · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · depression · Disappointment · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · family · Future · healthy · Lonely · Medication · Mental health · Past · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · self harm · Sisters · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

I’m struggling to live. 

Things are really tough at the moment. 

I feel so alone and scared. It’s hurting me. I feel my heart falling apart and my body failing me. 

I wish my family wanted me and cared about me. 

I’m struggling to keep myself from ending it all. I’m not sure if that’s me being brave, or me being stupid. Would it be better too fly away quickly and painlessly. 

I’m sorry for going on and lack of posts but my life is falling apart right in front of me. 

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Old memory about food and my mum. 

Mum would make us eat all our meal if we had a take away like McDonald’s, only after we had finished all the food would we be allowed a drink. It’s like the drink was a luxury and not an essential. 

It’s like that for a lot of things, if we’re out we can’t drink incase we needed the toilet, or we could only drink if we have ate everything we are meant to. 

It’s thought food is connected with love. 

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I’m alone and need help.

I’m struggling so much, no one knows or understands what I’m going through. I’m alone and scared. I wish I could talk about what’s holding me back and making me feel so low. But I can’t. I’m no one! 

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My red bracelet diet start.

I’m starting today eating as little as possible and exercising as much as possible, I will loose this weight, I’m not going to give up I know I had a little slip over the last few days I’ve ate too much and haven’t been exercising. I need to do this for myself. 

So today represents my journey to my ultimate goal.


Every time I want to eat I will look at this bracelet and remind myself that I need to keep trying to loose weight. I can do this I will be brave, I will get to my goal weight nothing is going to stop me. 

Im also going to start getting fitter, the plan is to run a marathon next year. I will be 25, I think it will be such a challenge but I will put all my effort in to training and I will succeed.