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My support worker, what should I do with her.

I have a support worker and I’d like to work on getting out the house and achieve things I’m unable to on my own.

I’d like your ideas of things I could try, maybe things you’ve tried with your support or care team?

Maybe things other people with out mental illness are able to achieve especially at aged 25?

Any ideas?

My ideas are….

  • I’d like to go out for a walk around the area I live,
  • I’d like to walk a bit farther, maybe a a short drive then a walk,
  • Making a cup of tea or coffee for someone else.
  • Go in to a shop
  • Buy something in a shop by self service
  • Buy something at a check out with a person where you need to talk.
  • Go to a shop and not buy something
  • Walk up town
  • Volunteer at the rspca, church,
  • Maybe if i’m accepted go to a group therapy
  • Go to a gym club
  • Go swimming at the gym.

Any other ideas will be greatly appreciate?

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Struggling so much right now.

This week has not come to an end quick enough.

I’m struggling with the voices and my thoughts are all over the places

I’m scared and think the self harm is going to take a big kick down that road.

I hate it when I don’t have control.

Anxiety · blogger · clozapine · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · hospital · Medication · Mental health · mental health blogger · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Support worker

Psychiatrist appointment update.

Today i had my 3 months review with my psychiatrist at the local mental health hospital.

I was so scared. I was meant to be meeting my new cpn. That’s for another blog post.

My cpn, support worker, carer and psychiatrist were all in the one rooks, it was very intimidated. I didn’t really know what to say.

They always want to talk about the spying and my feelings around that. It confuses me because i do see how that is relevant. I know they say it’s because i have an illness that makes me thing these kind of things.

Anyway my clozapine is being increase to 150 mg morning and around 2pm, and then 200mg before bed.

I will still be taking 600mg daily of pregabline, and the medications for my physical health.

Anyway I’m note really sure what was said and that. I’m so there was said and i cant remember much.

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I was brave.

Today I had to go to my local mental health hospital to collect medication. Normally I walk but today I have my car so I was able to drive there.

I did it.

I drove there, parked, got a ticket, walked in all on my own.

I can’t quite believe it.

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Leave me be… talk to me, double sided rubber bracelet.

My bracelet leave me be in red and talk to me on green. It’s soft and nice to wear. It’s easy to swap between sides. It’s a large bracelet and as far as I’m aware they only come in inside, and it’s large, even on me and I’m an adult.

It’s a great way non verbal or verbal can express if they want to talk or not.

It’s a great way to express when they want to talk. It’s neutral so it suites both make and female.

It’s great if you can’t verbalise what you want.

Anxiety · clozapine · delusions · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Future · hallucinations · Health · healthy · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · Support worker · Voices

Medication to survive.

I hate the fact that I have to take medication to be sane.

Would I rather be who I really am with no medication or this fake medicated self.

Maybe I want the voices, maybe I want to not know what’s real, may be I want to feel free and feel I have no responsibilities.

I wish I was free.

No medication.

No rules.

Just me!

Anxiety · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

Monday 16th October 2017

I’m back in to the local mental health hospital. I had a blood test last week that showed low white blood cells, and because of this I was unable to start clozapine, this is another blood test to see if anything has changed from last week.

I hope they get blood easily, they normally have to try a few times to get enough blood. It’s very frustrating and causes slot of anxiety.

I’m sat in the cafe because they don’t think we are dignified enough to have a waiting room. So it’s going of flows of being busy. It’s making my anxiety going all over the place, but if I go on clozapine I’ve got to get use to waiting here because I will have to do this weekly.

I’m not sure this is the right step for me and is this the sign.

I don’t know what to do, I’ve got my music on and that’s helping me feel calmer, but the voices are talking over it.