Anxiety · clozapine · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · scared · self harm

Medication was changed on Thursday.

TRIGGER WARNING…. overdoes, and medication.

Clozapine is being upped to 400mg

400mg which I’m a bit worried about but I think it will be okay. They know what there doing.

My pregabline is being increased next week too.

When will my medication stop being messed around with.

When will I feel better. It’s such a difficult time. I’ve just to try and put trust in to them.

The urge to overdose is really strong.

clozapine · delusions · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Is this motivation…?

I have been so unmotivated for weeks now.

Today has been the first day I got out of bed and stayed awake. I’m even attempting to exercise, to help with loosing weight.

Have you or anyone you know taken clozapine and lost weight?

clozapine · Medication · Mental health · psychosis · Schizophrenia

Day 9. 31.10.17 clozapine

Today I’m going up to 75mg morning and 25mg in the evening. I’m a bit gutted as I’m behind schedule. But hopefully it’s safer this way.

Things are okay, gone down to 500mg on my quetiapine,

Had a blood test yesterday and I’m scared somethings been put in to my arm, as I looked away when I was asked a question. I feel like I need to dig out my skin. And get the chip out.

clozapine · Daily update · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · Schizophrenia · self harm · Voices

Day 8. Clozapine. 30.10.17

Saw my support work on the way in to the hospital today. She had been off for a week. Hopefully going to catch up with her later on in the week.

Today my blood pressure was up, I heard talking while having it done increases your blood pressure, it worked.

I’m on 75mg today. And also they have upped the rate of it increasing so I don’t have to wait an extra day so tomorrow it goes up by 50mg in the evening and 75mg in the morning.

I feel a little bit suspicious about everyone, I’m also struggling with the voices and being told to harm. I’m not sure how long I can hold out.

I’m staying here an hour, and then going home until later when I’m having my weekly blood test and blood pressure check.

I’m trying my best to keep hydrated but it’s difficult, I’m not used to drinking a lot, but I’m trying my best, already had a litre and it’s 9:45am.

clozapine · delusions · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Voices

Do you have to keep taking the medication or does this cure you?

I have schizophrenia, and emotionally unstable personality disorder, they can’t be cured only managed.

People don’t know enough about mental illness, but this was my MUM asking me her daughter this question!!!

clozapine · Cpn · delusions · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · exercise · hallucinations · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Voices · Weight

Day 4, clozapine 26.10.17

Slept really well, I feel asleep in the cafe yesterday evening, and then got a good 11 hours sleep.

Met with cpn yesterday and was good to talk things through. She made me feel I don’t have to hide that I feel scared of being better and we talked about the voices going.

Today I’m up to 50mg clozapine. Plan is to learn sign language to a song I love.

I’m feeling suspicious about them all talking behind my back. Are they really on my side.

They also said that they were upping my diazepam to the 6mg it was a week ago. I said I don’t want to go back up on diazepam and hopefully they agree.

I’ve managed to continue my step goal the last three days.

Going to try to continue as long as possible.

All going okay.