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I was sick last night.

I was actually physically sick a few times. I feel completely cleared out.

I’m not sure if this is God answering my prays.

He can’t fix everything for me but he can give me the opportunity to do it might self.

Thank you. I think this is the sign I’ve been after.

Anxiety · blogger · clozapine · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Glad · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · i did it · Medication · Mental health · mental health blogger · Now · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · Support worker · Voices

I was brave.

Today I had to go to my local mental health hospital to collect medication. Normally I walk but today I have my car so I was able to drive there.

I did it.

I drove there, parked, got a ticket, walked in all on my own.

I can’t quite believe it.

Anxiety · blogger · clozapine · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · Diary · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Emotions · hallucinations · healthy · Medication · Mental health · mental health blogger · Now · Personality disorder · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia · self harm · Support worker · Therapy · Voices

Save me from this struggle.

I’ve been struggling really bad the last few days. I’m not 100% sure why.

It could be because I stopped my diazepam cold turkey. I was only on 2mg and had been gradually going do any it was the last move with my medication.

The voices are taking control, I’m self harming more in a way to deal with them. I feel suicidal, and want to hide myself away. I’m hating who I . Im getting lack of sleep. Im very restless. And most of all I’m so anxious it’s stopping me from getting on with my day to day life.

I’ve called my community psychiatric nurse this morning but she was unable to talk so I’m waiting for a call back.

I don’t know what the solution is other than, come off the diazepam slower, or introduce another medication to help with the anxiety or voices.

Meds I’m currently on…

  • 400 mg clozapine,
  • 1.25 bisoprlol,
  • 600mg pregabline.

Any advice from my lovely followers would be helpful. Xx

Stay safe and well, Rosie.

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Leave me be… talk to me, double sided rubber bracelet.

My bracelet leave me be in red and talk to me on green. It’s soft and nice to wear. It’s easy to swap between sides. It’s a large bracelet and as far as I’m aware they only come in inside, and it’s large, even on me and I’m an adult.

It’s a great way non verbal or verbal can express if they want to talk or not.

It’s a great way to express when they want to talk. It’s neutral so it suites both make and female.

It’s great if you can’t verbalise what you want.

Anxiety · clozapine · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Future · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · scared · Schizophrenia

Fed up of these weekly blood tests.

Clozapine has given me my life back.

I feel things have improved so much since being on it, but the weekly blood tests and trying to remember to take it twice a day make it so difficult to look just at the positives.

I will admit. Clozapine is the best antipsychotic I’ve been on and trust me I’ve nearly tried them all.

Anxiety · clozapine · Cpn · Daily update · delusions · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Personality disorder · psychosis · scared · self harm

Medication was changed on Thursday.

TRIGGER WARNING…. overdoes, and medication.

Clozapine is being upped to 400mg

400mg which I’m a bit worried about but I think it will be okay. They know what there doing.

My pregabline is being increased next week too.

When will my medication stop being messed around with.

When will I feel better. It’s such a difficult time. I’ve just to try and put trust in to them.

The urge to overdose is really strong.

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Thank you for giving blood, you saved mine and my sisters life.

Giving blood is so important to saving lives, you never know when you or a relative is going to need it to save lives.

Your a hero if you give blood, it’s live saving. That makes you a hero in my eyes.

At 2 my sister was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. (Cancer.) and a blood transfusion saved her many times. So a massive thank you to you!

I’ve also needed a few blood transfusions and without them I wouldn’t be here right now writing this blog post. I thank you from my heart for saving my life.

Even though at times I’ve wanted to die, I’m still 100% grateful for you saving my life. I only had my first blood transfusion under a section, and really resisted it, but it made a massive impact to how I physically felt and then my mental health got better.

I had one a few days ago, and this has made me think about all the hero’s out there. I know I can’t give blood myself but I’m motivated to fundraise for charities and help others in any other way I can.

Im hoping that, that’s my last blood transfusion and I can help others in any possible way.

Don’t worry if you can’t give blood you can still be a hero, there are many other ways to save life’s, fundraising, donating to charity, volunteers, working on research or working for charity’s that fund research.