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Why do I write what the voices say? 

They hate it when I do it but I feel that it gets out what there saying and that I have the information to go back to of what they said so that I can find the clues and answers. 

It helps in some way, maybe it’s like a problem shared is a problem halved? If that makes any sense?

It helps to write it, it also just flows out of me, pouring the words and commands on to the page. Re-reading the words as if I’ve never heard them before when in reality I’ve heard them so many times I can’t remember.

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My picture semicolon project.

Took this picture over the weekend. 

Your story isn’t over, key fighting! 

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Cpn today’s appointment. 

My cpn turned up 50 minutes late as it was a home visit. And stayed 9 minutes. A record. Also not seeing her next week because I have an ecg and blood test, so collecting medication from the mental hospital. 

I know she is plotting against me all of the above is proof of what’s going on.

Spoke to the reverent at the hospital today over the phone. We talked about harming. Which today I did. I didn’t tell my cpn, she didn’t ask, and I need to stay in control. 

I’m not really sure what my plan is from here. 

The voices have been so bad, I can control them.

I want no contact with anyone, I don’t trust them! Who can I trust, I’m scared?! 

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I have now officially hit the 1000th post on my blog!

My blog has been with me through some years and some really tough times. 

I will continue to blog regularly, thank you to all my followers and people that read my posts. Love to you all!

YEY… 1000th post! 

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Marathon letter

Today I did my first marathon letter to a charity that’s very close to my heart.

I was asking them if I can run the Marathon on there behalf and then raise money for them. I see this as a massive challenge but one I’m really determined to do. 

I know there’s such a slim chance I will be chosen but I’m going to put all my effort in.

It was very emotional writing the letter, as I wrote about personal events in my life that has been helped and supported with the NHS services, and why I want to run on there behalf. 

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I can’t live with out this, but it could also kill me. 


Trigger warning:
I’m willing to take that risk. 

WHAT PEOPLR SAY-

” you have so much to live for.”

“You can’t leave your family behind to deal with your death.”

WHAT ABOUT ME???? 

Does anyone care about me, and how I feel. I don’t choose to be or feel like this. So unless you understand what it’s like to hear voices that want you to kill yourself and have so much anxiety you are terrified of everything, then please don’t say anything to me! You haven’t lived my life. 

anorexia · Anxiety · delusions · depression · Doctors · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · hallucinations · Health · healthy · hospital · Medication · Mental health · Mental health act · Personality disorder · psychiatrist · psychosis · Schizophrenia · Sectioned · self harm · spying · Support worker · Therapy · Voices · Weight · weight gain · weight loss · weightloss

Bumped in to a lady I knew from psyciatric ward.  

Was good to see us both not inpatient. I always hate seeing people that I’ve met in hospital it causes to much anxiety and brings back bad memories. 

I’m not very good at holding a conversation so basically said hi and  a little chat then ran away.

I picked up my medication and said bye to her. 

She used to have ECT a lot, and couldn’t remember where she knew me from, but she soon remembered when I told her it was the hospital.
I get so embarrassed