I have been told a new doctor is joining my surgery and that I have been selected to be on their patient list. I have no choice but maybe it’s a good thing, I was kind of getting to a dead end with current doctor.
I will miss him, he has been great but, I guess it’s time for a new doctor.
I want to have lost a lot of weight loss by the time I go and see this new doctor. I want to be A healthy weight and look thin.
Having a new doctor Will probably mean I contact them less. I’ve got use to my current gp and I feel comfortable with him so call him quite a lot. I think I will try my best to contact them if I need them, but knowing I’ve got a new gp and I don’t know them is putting me off contacting them already.
They hate it when I do it but I feel that it gets out what there saying and that I have the information to go back to of what they said so that I can find the clues and answers.
It helps in some way, maybe it’s like a problem shared is a problem halved? If that makes any sense?
It helps to write it, it also just flows out of me, pouring the words and commands on to the page. Re-reading the words as if I’ve never heard them before when in reality I’ve heard them so many times I can’t remember.
I’ve not been taking the full does of medication. It’s making things reallly difficult but I’m still not in the belief that the medication will fix how I feel and things that are going on.
I’ve nearly halved my antipsychotic medication, I’ve been messing round with anxiety medication and my hear medication.
Honestly, I’m struggling more than I show to everyone. Every second of every minute the voices are really tournamenting me, commanding me to hurt myself, and to end my life. As you can probably guess I’m still alive so I haven’t listened to them as much as they would like.
I’m scared, and I can not cope any more, but I’m not willing to do what everyone thinks will help and take the medication, I don’t believe it will help or solve the problems I’m up against right now.
No one understands!
Took this picture over the weekend.
Your story isn’t over, key fighting!
They are spying on me through the windows and spyders and bugs somehow getting in.
These are reporting to the mental health team, government and the devil. They are in control of the spying. They know what there looking for.
There after my DNA to clone me. And will probably keep me in some kind of prison. They wouldn’t want me escaping it’s to risky for them, for there cover to be exposed.
They want me because my body is invincible. I can’t die. It’s physically impossible for my body to die.
I’m terrified because where ever I go I’m in danger. I’m scared.
They want me to take medication but I’m not sure why. Maybe to put bugs in my body to record where I am. And to make me not realise what there up too. I’m not ill so why would I need medication. My body works differently from others.
The Voices are warning me and telling when I’m being followed, they are also telling me to cut and drain. I’m scared of them because they want me to do things I don’t want to do. I’m glad there warning me, maybe they are helping me!
God is really important, he talks to me. He gives me hope that they will stop spying on me and that God can fight off the devil.
STOP SPYING ON ME!!!!!
Trigger warning ⚠️ ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
Scars and bruises.
My cpn turned up 50 minutes late as it was a home visit. And stayed 9 minutes. A record. Also not seeing her next week because I have an ecg and blood test, so collecting medication from the mental hospital.
I know she is plotting against me all of the above is proof of what’s going on.
Spoke to the reverent at the hospital today over the phone. We talked about harming. Which today I did. I didn’t tell my cpn, she didn’t ask, and I need to stay in control.
I’m not really sure what my plan is from here.
The voices have been so bad, I can control them.
I want no contact with anyone, I don’t trust them! Who can I trust, I’m scared?!