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Struggling so much right now.

This week has not come to an end quick enough.

I’m struggling with the voices and my thoughts are all over the places

I’m scared and think the self harm is going to take a big kick down that road.

I hate it when I don’t have control.

Anxiety · blogger · clozapine · Emotionally unstable personality disorder · Medication · Mental health · mental health blogger · Personality disorder · Schizophrenia · self harm · spying · Voices

Mental health update.

Things have been really tough. The voices are uncontrollable at times. Blood test Monday took two attempts with the needle so that’s better than the usual 6 times.

I don’t really want medication anymore

I don’t trust my care team. So I’m not seeing them.

I received a letter today about a meeting with my psychiatrist and care co-ordinatior.

Too scared to go out and enjoy the weather. I wish I could, xx

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I was brave.

Today I had to go to my local mental health hospital to collect medication. Normally I walk but today I have my car so I was able to drive there.

I did it.

I drove there, parked, got a ticket, walked in all on my own.

I can’t quite believe it.

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Save me from this struggle.

I’ve been struggling really bad the last few days. I’m not 100% sure why.

It could be because I stopped my diazepam cold turkey. I was only on 2mg and had been gradually going do any it was the last move with my medication.

The voices are taking control, I’m self harming more in a way to deal with them. I feel suicidal, and want to hide myself away. I’m hating who I . Im getting lack of sleep. Im very restless. And most of all I’m so anxious it’s stopping me from getting on with my day to day life.

I’ve called my community psychiatric nurse this morning but she was unable to talk so I’m waiting for a call back.

I don’t know what the solution is other than, come off the diazepam slower, or introduce another medication to help with the anxiety or voices.

Meds I’m currently on…

  • 400 mg clozapine,
  • 1.25 bisoprlol,
  • 600mg pregabline.

Any advice from my lovely followers would be helpful. Xx

Stay safe and well, Rosie.

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Medication to survive.

I hate the fact that I have to take medication to be sane.

Would I rather be who I really am with no medication or this fake medicated self.

Maybe I want the voices, maybe I want to not know what’s real, may be I want to feel free and feel I have no responsibilities.

I wish I was free.

No medication.

No rules.

Just me!

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Medication update.

Hopefully no more changes. I think I’m at the right dosage.

I’m on…

  • 400 mg clozapine
  • 500mg pregabline
  • 2mg diazepam
  • 1.25 mg bisoprolol
  • Kwells
  • Vitamin b complex

They are really helping me to not be symptomatic.