I want to contact my mental health team to see what’s going on but I only had my blood test this time yesterday, so they probably don’t have the results and probably don’t have a plan.
But this not knowing anything leaves me with so much anxiety.
What should I do?
I don’t want to bother any one but I’m really struggling.
Yes I do, I think.
I think heaven is where you go when you die if you’ve been good and he’ll if your bad.
But I don’t know what I think those places are going to be like. And it still scares me about dying.
I think when I die I will meet those people who I love and that already gone to heaven. My man and brother. But I’m not sure if they will be the same age as when they died or if they will grow up.
This is Dylan my gorgeous boy.
He brings me protection, love and life.
He means so much to me.
I know there all talking behind my back.
They are talking about my blood results and what there going to do about it.
I want to know what’s going on.
I don’t think this is fair.
Save me from going mad in my own world of what I think is happening.
There’s another whole life in my head.
I’m not sure if I wish this life was my life.
I don’t think you know until you’ve tried and tested it.
I can completely remove myself from here, it has all the things that I wish my life had and things I’ve got. It’s my escape when this all gets too much.
No one will ever know what it’s like. It’s my place, my life, my secret!
I’m going there now, I don’t want your life any more. I’m going to my life.
There’s no more trying to please anyone, I’m escaping.
I’m swimming in the carpet, with the man who has my best interest. I’m safe, he helps me to be safe and see all the bad things that are going on in your life. I know the spying is still going on but the man helps me to be safe, I know what to do, say and where to be. No one can hurt me in my escaping life.
We have a name. But I’m not telling you it. That could mean my life is in danger. Your not coming in to my life. You will see the blank canvas, the information has been taken out of the brain, you can no longer get any of it.
I’m not hallucinating, it’s my special place. You have no idea and that’s how it will stay!
Think it’s just been made worse, my care co-ordinator has entered but not to speak to me, and it’s really odd. I hate seeing my care team out in public.
I’m really starting to believe that this is all a set up.
I don’t know if I’m safe but I’ve also froze up so it’s really difficult, I can’t run, I’m frozen. I’m scared.
Help me please, help me to distract me. Or give me the courage to run. I think there is still a lot of people in front of me to have there bloods taken, all those people are already on clozapine so it’s interesting to see how sedated they are and other things.
The guy taking the blood just told me he will do mine in 5 minuets but from him that probably means 30 minutes. Plus he can never get blood from me.
Please let this happen quickly and that he gets enough blood with no pain.
I’m loving P!nks new album, it’s the only thing keeping me calm right now.